By Rob Vugrnick

Though I now attend the Cleveland Meeting, since I reside in Cleveland, I still receive light and encouragement from reading the weekly Milwaukee meeting announcements and other Meeting notes  and email talk.  I write this article, not for myself, but hopefully share something that will be relatable to others on this important topic.

Years ago, I was sure I had a calling from God or as some may say the Divine.  I based my education on that calling, and worked to follow it truthfully and I hoped faithfully.  As I started doing that work, something in myself was not right.  I had images of what I needed to be, what I needed to believe, and how I needed to act.  I wanted to be like the group of believers I was part of, I wanted to help them sincerely, work with them, and I did love them as I think many of them loved me.  But life paths are not perfect or easy and as a young person, I struggled with my beliefs, some with the work, and even with my own character and integrity because I was not brave enough to share with them how I really felt or what I really thought.  It became very clear to me,  (I discerned),  that I was not called for the path I was on, so I made a change not knowing where it would lead. I believe this is one of the best decisions I ever made in my life  though it was easier since I was young and single at the time and only had to worry about myself.

I could share more specifics and sometimes I do with people but this writing is to focus on finding a sense of my calling.  I tried many things and  it took me many years to find employment direction.  I had some left over faith at this time and I still often prayed for my future and the kind of life I hoped for.  As a single person, not in a relationship at the time, I often prayed that I wanted to be a parent.  I looked at people who had kids, and a family, and I longed to have one of my own.  I honestly thought I might never get married or have a child, but I did want to.   I have a sense now  that this hoping and longing itself is a calling.  For me.  my prayer was answered, I did get married with a marriage that did not last, but it produced my son and I did become a parent.

Since my son was an answer to a prayer, I think I was called to be a good parent.  Believe me, I have not been perfect and would do some things differently.  I feel more lucky than accomplished with how my parenting turned out.   I will let my son be the witness on how I handle the calling to be a father.

During recent  years I have had different callings I felt.  Mostly that I needed to do more to help those in need or find ways to impact another person’s life for the better.  This calling has been a quiet voice through the years, I would try to find ways to help but mostly failed on doing anything significant.   During latter years this calling seems to have gotten louder and louder to almost scream at me. Of course this could be my mental health going,  or simply my conscience reflecting on  how I did not do enough in the past.  Whatever it is,  the calling is there,  and I think I am trying to respond.

It was at the Milwaukee Meeting worship, when the words for  the Color Of Peace poem came into my mind.  I mention this now because I believe I have a calling to be a peacemaker.  I have not and do not expect to have a huge impact, but I am trying to follow this calling in whatever years I have left. This may not benefit the world, but it does benefit me, because it gives me a reason to live,  and even makes me feel more alive. 

I often go to a weekly Peace vigil in Cleveland with signs held high, and have had difficult conversations with folks who do not agree on the Mideast conflicts in particular.  I even made peace in my own mind with  the Palestinian and Israeli issues, after struggling and listening to so much rhetoric from both sides of this tragic conflict.   I found peace through the works of past president Jimmy Carter. I can be a peacemaker by suggesting his books; Palestine Peace Not Apartheid, and We Can Have Peace In The Holy Land.  This past president’s calling has made my small one, so much easier, and as his books have helped me as  they can also help others.  I am just starting to get involved with migration issues  and my undocumented neighbors as I like to call them.  I hope I can do a little there,  as we will see. A calling can be for a group as well as an individual.  Our Cleveland Meeting is searching for something we can do better as a group and I know we are listening to the Divine for direction.  Driving to the Peace Vigil today, I was wondering why we are having a bit of difficulty choosing something to work on as a Meeting.  Is it because the Spirit is not speaking, are we not listening, or is it something else?   Hold us in the light as we seek the answer.