by Mike Soika

We live and then we die, which is the ultimate transformation.  I am still a bit fearful of death but find that its inevitability requires me to come to grips with it.

Transformation is happening to us and around us on a constant and infinite basis.  For example, our bodies are transformed every seven to ten years through the natural occurrence of cell renewal, with millions of our 30 trillion body cells being replaced every day. 

Other examples of natural transformation include a caterpillar becoming butterfly, or a tadpole with gills becoming a frog with lungs.  How about the dragonfly that sheds its skin to emerge with wings for hunting.   And then there is the cosmos.  Stars are born and die, galaxies collide and merge, black holes made of collapsed stars eventually evaporate.

Now at age 73, I find myself contemplating the final transformation from life to whatever is beyond.  Do I have a soul and if so, is that soul everlasting?  Or said another way, is there a “me” after death?  Some believe that we meld into the oneness of the universe upon death, sort of like raindrops falling into the ocean.  Are we reincarnated and then do we have any “say” in how we transform into a new life?  Of course, there are those who believe there is nothing after death; that death is the end of it all for each of us.

Being a creedless religion, we can find Quakers who believe all the above in one form or another.  Friend Kay Augustine’s reflection on death and angels in the September Shareletter is worth a re-read if one has the time.

I have been a spiritual seeker for most of my life, starting as an altar boy in first grade.  I loved the Catholic “Forty Hour Devotion” where the consecrated host (bread transformed into the body of Christ) was displayed in the golden monstrance on the altar and we altar boys were assigned hours when we needed to be present in prayer because God, as represented in the host, could not be left alone.  As I got older, I volunteered for the wee hours of the morning so it would be just me – kneeling for an hour in a mostly dark and empty church – while praying to a God who I knew, in my heart and soul was listening.

I feel I have been touched by God many times throughout my life and that I won’t be abandoned upon death.  I hang on to the idea that energy cannot be destroyed, that we see transformation all around us, and that I believe I was visited by both my father and my mother after their deaths: one as a bird that hopped on my chest and the other as a spirit in my dreams. 

What happens after death is ultimately unknown.  What we do know is that we are alive here and now and that we are called in the stillness of our prayers to live a sacramental life – a life that is transformed into a vessel of God.